Posted by Jeffrey ....... on June 03, 1999 at 00:43:42:
She
She possessed my mind and thoughts most of the time. I felt that when I was with her I was privileged, as if she was of another world, yet somehow of mine also. Perhaps this was only hope upon my part, I shall never know unless she speaks deeply to me.
Often I have wanted to describe her just for my own selfish reasons and yet have failed to do so. Everything about her was simply a shuddering thrill and a privilege to experience.
She moved with such elegance, hardly moving at all, in fact when I stop to think of her. Her elegance was that something that a real woman knows she has but seems blissfully unaware of it or the mystery that she has caused by her presence.
Just sitting within her presence was an incredible experience, certainly beyond that of a woman to my thinking and my senses. Perhaps this was my mind but others have said similar also, so I am sure I am correct.
Passing the tea she would seem to make the whole thing that was so complex to me, so simple, so elegant and nearly frightening as I reached. It was as if she was giving her all to me rather than those gentle hands that held the saucer so deftly.
She was a woman so exquisite that my mind was not allowed to think when in her presence, and this I could not understand why, why was I so unable to think of her as I had thought of other women.
I was reduced to little other than to be there for her, that was for certain, and she had control of me even though I now know she did not realise this fact.
We walked, another point, she seemed not to do so, rather more like floating, in amongst the trees, pausing to admire something that I had never seen the beauty in before. She made me shudder, often, just a word or two from her lips was sufficient, on these alone I knew I could live for years.
Was this love, no I do not think so, love seemed cheap in comparison to her.
So I was lost, whirled and wrapped and coveted in a blanket of sheer admiration and perhaps a little more, still a man, oh yes, but totally controlled by her every move.
How is it possible that she could exert such a command over my thoughts that I saw no other woman or noticed one, just her and her alone. And when she was not there my mind remained as if transfixed upon every part of her beauty. She even spoke like no other, words simply flowed in such a kind and wanting and unbelievably perfect way. I thirsted for her every word, drinking each like nectar, and hopelessly believing all she said.
I dared to think that this was what love was, I thought so deeply that to adore and to respect someone so much must be love, or could I be wrong and was it simply that this was what I wanted to believe.
Love, God what a word and what a state to be in if I was right, and how I so wanted to be. Was it perceived rather than actual was all I thought as in a mirage of many thoughts vanishing and returning, so many questions, too many questions, for my head hurt so.